IT’S JUST A LETTER FOR MAMA. OH, THAT’S JUST MY TRUCK DOWN THERE. AND LOOK WHAT I MADE. IT’S CALLED THE FISH COLLECTION. IT LOOKS SO GREAT IN THIS. HERE’S THE CAR. HERE’S SOMETHING. WE ALWAYS HAVE SKIN. WE NEED TO HAVE DOG FOOD DOWN HERE. AND CAT FOOD. BABY, I’M GOING TO DECORATE IT WITH CLAM SHELLS. DON’T GET ANY IDEAS. GETTING UNDER MY SKIN! BOMBS AWAY! BOUNCE AWAY! OH, TAD, BACK SO SOON? BUT REMEMBER, WATCH OUT FOR THE GHOST OUTSIDE. IS IT TIME TO ROLL? NO, I’M STANDING ON THE TABLE BECAUSE IT’S FLYING. I SEARCH HIGH AND LOW. MY CAP. YOU MEAN THAT I’M TURNING MY ELBOWS BACKWARDS. YOU MEAN I HAVE NO HANDS. I HAVE NO ELBOWS LIKE AN ALIEN. IT LOOKS LIKE A BUBBLE. IF YOU TURN IT UPSIDE-DOWN IT LOOKS LIKE A BUBBLE. I DON’T WANT HIM. I WANT MY LITTLE DOG. I’LL BE RIGHT BACK INSIDE. WHEN I WAS SCRATCHING MY HAND . . . YUM. BACK SO SOON? HEY, MAKE THIS A RIVER! I’M LAUGHING IN THE RIVER! FIRST, WE GET TO SHARE THE PLAY-DOH. WELL LET’S PLAY BABIES RIGHT HERE. WE’RE HERE. PROFESSOR PICKLES. AND I’M PLAY-DOH KITTY. NO I’M PLAY-DOH DOG.
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[Recorded by hand on the evening of 28 February, 2009. Medium: Crayola markers on yellow college-rule legal pad.]
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You can't make this stuff up.
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A Slowly Growing List of Things to Look Forward To When You Have a Child
- Every day is either Christmas or Halloween or Birthday or Easter
- Leave those cats alone! They're going to scratch you and it will hurt
- You cannot lie under circumstances, but nor can you tell the literal truth
- Geez that kid is sharp
- Can I have cake? Can I have cake? Can I have cake? Huh? Daddy? Can I have cake?
- For the last time, stop asking me!
- Noticing the growth: taller and a bit heavier to carry
- Children's television shows
- Food. Wasted food
- Remembering that you once acted this way yourself
- Watching where the both of you are going
- The joy of hearing the word "fuck" being used experimentally, and justifying this experimentation by saying "Well they learn it eventually"
- TANTRUMS
- Sitting down together on the living room floor, a mess of blocks & cars & plush Care Bears strewn around you, discussing the complexities of each car's identity, its name, and why it is so humorous
- Having to take responsibility for someone else for a change
- More frustration than you're prepared for
- Wicked cackling
- Drawings of potato guys
- Learning about the world all over again
- Circular Logic
- Unexpected hugs and words put beautifully together out of context
- Waking up after 4 hours of sleep, and unexpectedly having to confront shit, in more than one place, including the carpet, a big toe, a butt, a bed, a toilet seat, and underpants
2 comments:
Your kid is busy in the head.
That's wild and good.
I have audio recordings too.
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