Shift to past tense, omniscient narrator: allows the story to unfold immediately. No need for the non-action, the internal thought processes, & expository frivolity.
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Exploit your cuts. If it seems unnecessary, it probably is.
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The emotional deadness doesn’t work. It serves no purpose other than to deaden. Show the character’s emotional suppression, not deadness.
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How much of your language merely repeates or restates for no other reason than to repeat or restate?
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Narrative events (also known as "plot" or "storyline") must come in a particular order. Sequence. Chapters; sections; paragraphs; sentences; words. Is each word the correct word for the moment?
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An apt demonstration of your first point: the flashback: "Curt remembers the first time dad put a litter of kittens out of their misery"...Omniscient narrator can get to the point.
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An old-fashioned character is not likely to make contact by telephone. A letter makes for poor fiction unless appropriately executed. Put it in scene, in person.
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Can it go in another scene? If so, move it. If not, cut it. Forget 20%. Cut 30%, 50% if you can. The world will not cease its motion, the oceans will not dry up.
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Consider butterfly plates; a stinging bird. Consider getting dizzy.
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Consider one of the last lines in Joy Williams’s story Taking Care: "The house is clean and orderly. For days he has restricted himself to only one part of the house so that his clutter will be minimal." This is wonderful writing advice.
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Exploit your cuts. If it seems unnecessary, it probably is.
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The emotional deadness doesn’t work. It serves no purpose other than to deaden. Show the character’s emotional suppression, not deadness.
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How much of your language merely repeates or restates for no other reason than to repeat or restate?
---
Narrative events (also known as "plot" or "storyline") must come in a particular order. Sequence. Chapters; sections; paragraphs; sentences; words. Is each word the correct word for the moment?
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An apt demonstration of your first point: the flashback: "Curt remembers the first time dad put a litter of kittens out of their misery"...Omniscient narrator can get to the point.
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An old-fashioned character is not likely to make contact by telephone. A letter makes for poor fiction unless appropriately executed. Put it in scene, in person.
---
Can it go in another scene? If so, move it. If not, cut it. Forget 20%. Cut 30%, 50% if you can. The world will not cease its motion, the oceans will not dry up.
---
Consider butterfly plates; a stinging bird. Consider getting dizzy.
---
Consider one of the last lines in Joy Williams’s story Taking Care: "The house is clean and orderly. For days he has restricted himself to only one part of the house so that his clutter will be minimal." This is wonderful writing advice.