2008/09/11
Morning Unliveliness and a Chance Encounter with an Arachnid
Why does getting older come with diminished capacity to wake up in the morning? I don't suffer from "bright-eyed bushy-tailed" syndrome like I once did. A good shower will take care of this problem. Yesterday I saw Al Franken walk through the Student Union. In person, he looks like . . . Al Franken. He's that guy I watched on "Saturday Night Live" when I was a kid: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." That guy. Richard Ford today. I plan to have autograph the copy of Rock Springs that he already autographed some time in the distant past. As soon as events set in motion that cannot be undone (shower, take a shot, eat). Yes that was a sentence fragment. A few minutes ago a wolf spider got tangled in the hair on my back. The legs tickled. Was the spider mountaineering on my office chair? Or did the spider fall from the ceiling with the misfortune of landing in the jungle? I have no problem with wolf spiders living in my office. I'm rather fond of them. But if it had been one of those goddamn Minnesota centipedes that look like a mustache, I would be wide awake at this point.
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A Slowly Growing List of Things to Look Forward To When You Have a Child
- Every day is either Christmas or Halloween or Birthday or Easter
- Leave those cats alone! They're going to scratch you and it will hurt
- You cannot lie under circumstances, but nor can you tell the literal truth
- Geez that kid is sharp
- Can I have cake? Can I have cake? Can I have cake? Huh? Daddy? Can I have cake?
- For the last time, stop asking me!
- Noticing the growth: taller and a bit heavier to carry
- Children's television shows
- Food. Wasted food
- Remembering that you once acted this way yourself
- Watching where the both of you are going
- The joy of hearing the word "fuck" being used experimentally, and justifying this experimentation by saying "Well they learn it eventually"
- TANTRUMS
- Sitting down together on the living room floor, a mess of blocks & cars & plush Care Bears strewn around you, discussing the complexities of each car's identity, its name, and why it is so humorous
- Having to take responsibility for someone else for a change
- More frustration than you're prepared for
- Wicked cackling
- Drawings of potato guys
- Learning about the world all over again
- Circular Logic
- Unexpected hugs and words put beautifully together out of context
- Waking up after 4 hours of sleep, and unexpectedly having to confront shit, in more than one place, including the carpet, a big toe, a butt, a bed, a toilet seat, and underpants
2 comments:
I think people go either way as they get older. I go in shifts. Sometimes I'm a morning person. But that's rare. Most of the time I don't go to bed until 6 and don't get up until noon. And I'm most productive on that schedule.
As far as spiders go--I hate them all. Actually, I don't hate them. I hate what they are. It's like, "I don't hate you because of the color of your skin, I hate you because you are the color of your skin." Kind of narrow thinking and luckily, for me, it only applies to spiders and not people.
I usually let spiders go when I see them in my apartment; I know they're eating the other bugs. And those centipedes...I try to be fair with them. If they're not in my bed room or bathroom, we're fine. If I see one in either of those rooms, I go on a killing spree.
All spiders are Charlotte to me. That's why I won't let anyone kill them in my presence--set her free! set her free! I yell. And then we gently pick her up and place her outside into the big wide world, where she can scramble away and find a sweet little pig to whom she will say, "Salutations! That's just my fancy way of saying 'hello'!"
I love all things Charlotte.
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