2008/11/08

Hidden Heart

It's amazing how easy the act of revision comes now. "Revise" used to be the most difficult part of the work. It never went anywhere.

This story I wrote almost two years ago has been evading me. Today I captured it's hidden heart. Or at least a ventricle, perhaps an aorta. But I would guess that about 75% of the story was a narcissistic celebration of youthful whining. The 25% that wasn't all about me showed enormous potential. And yet again the character with whom the heart of the story lies is a woman.

In many of the stories I write the focal character is female. I set this as a personal challenge a long time ago, to write a female perspective. I did, and then I wrote more. They keep coming back. They are more interesting than just about every male character I've written (a juvenile bunch of ne'er-do-wells, with the occasional highly isolated neurotic thrown in). The female characters have more personality too. They are more complex, more complicated, more vulnerable to every possible extreme I can imagine. They are also more resiliant. They seem in many ways more human. I wonder why this is. (No reason for me to think too much about it, or I'll just end up confusing myself.)

Perhaps through them I can say all the things that I cannot say through male characters. I don't know. This requires more process.

4 comments:

Jorge said...

I was notorious in undergrad for killing off female characters in my stories.

Er ist glaubhaft said...

If I remember correctly, I have never killed a character in any of my stories. Wait, I have. Minor characters. Like the deckhand who is cut in half by a rope. And the father. That story is the exception.

Diana said...

I bet having a daughter is part of this...have you read "A Father's Story" by Andre Dubus?

Er ist glaubhaft said...

Yes, a few times. I admire its truth.

A Slowly Growing List of Things to Look Forward To When You Have a Child

  • Every day is either Christmas or Halloween or Birthday or Easter
  • Leave those cats alone! They're going to scratch you and it will hurt
  • You cannot lie under circumstances, but nor can you tell the literal truth
  • Geez that kid is sharp
  • Can I have cake? Can I have cake? Can I have cake? Huh? Daddy? Can I have cake?
  • For the last time, stop asking me!
  • Noticing the growth: taller and a bit heavier to carry
  • Children's television shows
  • Food. Wasted food
  • Remembering that you once acted this way yourself
  • Watching where the both of you are going
  • The joy of hearing the word "fuck" being used experimentally, and justifying this experimentation by saying "Well they learn it eventually"
  • TANTRUMS
  • Sitting down together on the living room floor, a mess of blocks & cars & plush Care Bears strewn around you, discussing the complexities of each car's identity, its name, and why it is so humorous
  • Having to take responsibility for someone else for a change
  • More frustration than you're prepared for
  • Wicked cackling
  • Drawings of potato guys
  • Learning about the world all over again
  • Circular Logic
  • Unexpected hugs and words put beautifully together out of context
  • Waking up after 4 hours of sleep, and unexpectedly having to confront shit, in more than one place, including the carpet, a big toe, a butt, a bed, a toilet seat, and underpants