"Please rewrite this paper in the future tense. I can't make heads or tails out of it as it is."
"I agree with you completely. T.S. Eliot was a goddamn lunatic for writing that nonsense."
"We in the administration value you as a student, not just as a dollar-figure."
"Please put your pants back on."
"Yes, your student health insurance will cover that."
"We don't know how they escaped. But you'll need tomato sauce, believe us."
"The university has decided to play 'opposite fiscal year.' This year the English department gets the athletic department's budget, and the athletic department gets the English department's budget."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
A Slowly Growing List of Things to Look Forward To When You Have a Child
- Every day is either Christmas or Halloween or Birthday or Easter
- Leave those cats alone! They're going to scratch you and it will hurt
- You cannot lie under circumstances, but nor can you tell the literal truth
- Geez that kid is sharp
- Can I have cake? Can I have cake? Can I have cake? Huh? Daddy? Can I have cake?
- For the last time, stop asking me!
- Noticing the growth: taller and a bit heavier to carry
- Children's television shows
- Food. Wasted food
- Remembering that you once acted this way yourself
- Watching where the both of you are going
- The joy of hearing the word "fuck" being used experimentally, and justifying this experimentation by saying "Well they learn it eventually"
- TANTRUMS
- Sitting down together on the living room floor, a mess of blocks & cars & plush Care Bears strewn around you, discussing the complexities of each car's identity, its name, and why it is so humorous
- Having to take responsibility for someone else for a change
- More frustration than you're prepared for
- Wicked cackling
- Drawings of potato guys
- Learning about the world all over again
- Circular Logic
- Unexpected hugs and words put beautifully together out of context
- Waking up after 4 hours of sleep, and unexpectedly having to confront shit, in more than one place, including the carpet, a big toe, a butt, a bed, a toilet seat, and underpants
No comments:
Post a Comment